Analysts polled by Reuters Surprised by Jump in Jobless Rate…

then maybe they should be fired!

I mean really, have they looked out the window? There are people walking around with no place to go!

“The number of U.S. workers filing new claims for jobless benefits surged to a nearly 26-1/2 year high last week, data showed on Thursday, indicating that the pace of job losses was yet to peak.

At the same time, the number of laid-off workers collecting state unemployment benefits jumped to a record high in March, the Labor Department said, as the recession now in its 16th month makes it tough to find a new job.”

Hmm, lets take a deep breath and think about this for a moment.  Jobless can also mean… ‘vacation’ or ‘retired’ right? Summer is coming up and I am almost certain that the folks in one of those Dakota’s where it’s still snowing would like to have a job floating down the Colorado River or serving mai-tai’s on a cruise ship.  And I’m just guessing, but I think most of us would love to do exactly that!

And you can!

There are still people with money out there—not just you or me—and they take vacations to resorts in Hawaii and to Arizona and to Florida and hell, I don’t know where rich people go because I’m not rich, but we can figure it out together.

Okay, I figured it out. (I couldn’t wait for you.)

Here are some fun summer jobs-HIRING NOW- that may not earn you big bucks but you can get a tan and maybe have a summer romance with a wealthy countess.

Have fun and don’t forget to send us a postcard!

AMERICAN WHITEWATER EXPEDITIONS
(Coloma, California)

Seasonal (Spring – Summer)

American Whitewater Expeditions is based in Coloma, California right on the banks of the South Fork American River.  American Whitewater offers rafting, kayaking, and riverboarding trips for folks ages 6 – 80+ years on the North, South, and Middle Forks of the American River and the Stanislaus River.

SPECIFICS: American Whitewater hires 10 to 15 new employees each year, part time and full time. We need river guides, retail clerks, a reservation assistant (computer trained), Class B shuttle drivers, and someone trained in vehicle and raft repair. The season is April through September with allowances made for students’ schedules.  Pay rate depends on experience level and position desired.  Please inquire.

INSIDER TIPS: Prior guiding experience or attendance at a guide’s school is required for raft guide positions. Our guide’s school is during the week prior to Easter Sunday. There is a discount for students and teachers.  If you like fast flowing rivers and consider yourself an outgoing, personable ‘people’ person then we would like you to join our staff.

PERKS: Inexpensive accommodations, use of rafts and gear during free time, all meals while working on a trip, and close to Tahoe, Yosemite, and California’s wine country.

TO APPLY: Send a detailed resume and current photo. We will contact you via mail at once. Contact: Jon Osgood, American Whitewater Expeditions, P.O. Box 4280, Sunland, CA 91041-4280
(818) 352 – 3205.

———————————————————————————————-

Colorado Summer Rafting Jobs
Outdoor Adventure and Student Employment

Thank you for your interest in employment with Wilderness Aware Rafting.

We are now accepting applications for our 2009 river season. Applications will be accepted until March 1st, 2009.

If you are interested in becoming a river guide, please note that previous rafting experience is NOT necessary. We will provide you with all of the necessary training needed to turn you into a top quality professional river guide.

See what some of our former guides have to say about their experiences at Wilderness Aware. Drew’s Letter, Koni’s Letter

Wilderness Aware Rafting will hire self-starting, creative, friendly, dedicated and hard working applicants. Applicants should be prepared to be team players and become professional river guides working to exceed our guests’ expectations.

We will also be hiring a few exceptional individuals to join our successful team of Customer Service Representatives and Shuttle Drivers.

If you’re interested in joining us in Colorado for the summer of you life, use the links below to fill out an application or to learn more about working at Wilderness Aware Rafting.

• Information on our Guide Interview Trips and our Hiring Process
• Guide Application and Guide Interview Trip Registration Form
• River Guide’s Job Description and Pay Scale
• Information for Experienced River Guides
• Salt River Jobs – Experienced Guides Only!
• Customer Service Representative – Job Description
• Customer Service Representative – Application
• Shuttle Driver – Job Description
• Shuttle Driver – Application

———————————————————————————————–

http://www.cruiseshipjob.com/jobs.htm

New Foreign Jobs in Exotic…

Afghanistan!

That’s right—- hundreds of civilians will be needed to help with the new administrations surge into that rather dodgy side of the world.

Back-up personnel for diplomats and military officers should apply- but not if you’re gay (they don’t really approve). Oh, and if you’re a woman and you don’t mind being dressed from head-to-toe in heavy cloth with only your eyes peeking through this is a job for you!

Sure times are tough in this economy but if you really want a job they’re out there!  So don’t be all, “there aren’t any jobs in this horrible economy and I really want to work but there just isn’t anything for me and this President isn’t helping me at all and wah, wah wah.”

Don’t be a pussy. Apply now!

http://tinyurl.com/ceamze

Out of Work but Totally Trendy!

Dude- the bad news is you’re unemployed. The good news is that you’re finally cool. Being without a job is like, all trendy. Everyone is doing it!

You know how it seems like you buy the cool clothes right as they go out of style?  Remember the mullet you finally talked yourself into getting……a decade too late? And you finally saved enough money to buy that Hummer? Yeah, that’s what we’re talking about. Always a step behind right?

But not now! You got laid off. So have like, 1.2 million people. Tight!

And now, like the coolest president-elect ever held his first radio address on YouTube last Saturday and what did he talk about?

YOU!

That’s right, he spoke about getting people…like YOU…back to work. He talked about helping people to reinvent themselves so they can find jobs in the green movement and other thriving industries. Out with the old, all across the board!

So check out the pages we have here or heck, checkout other jobs sites,  and get back to work. And don’t feel bad. If you had to lose your job, you picked the perfect time to do it. Really, two years ago your creditors would have come and taken you to debtor jail, now they speak to you like understanding human beings. Last year people would have called you a loser. Now they call you cool. (OK, maybe they still call you a loser but it could be a personal problem.) But don’t wait to long, another trend is right around the corner.

So get (back) to work!

Cool Jobs of the Week

http://www.cruiseshipjob.com/jobs.htm—there are a bunch of them!

Safeway Inc has 2 WINE STEWARD openings!!!

The two available Wine Steward Positions are at:
4515 SE Woodstock, Portland 97206 (store 1523) and
12032 SE Sunnyside Rd, Portland 97015 (store 1231)

Apply now at Safeway.com or at our in store hiring kiosks. For additional information on this position, please contact Safeway’s Employment Specialist at Karla.Reynolds@Safeway.com

Greenpeace is currently hiring motivated and confident individuals to build its grassroots power.FULL-TIME AND PART-TIME POSITIONS AVAILABLE keywords: full-time, part-time, students, grads, graduates, environment, environmental, social change, progressive, global warming, peace, summer, year-round, amazon, forests, toxic technology, learn, career, principles, Greenpeace, green, oil dependence, renewable energy

And this one because we found it very interesting! Too bad OUR eggs are out of business!

JEWISH EGG DONOR NEEDED by LOVING JEWISH COUPLE $20,000+ALL EXPENSES PAID
Reply to: lovetogiveandshare@yahoo.com

Apparently we need to get F***ing serious now!

How is this even happening?

Seriously, we have president-elect Obama on the job, a boss who is offering ‘Hope’ and ‘Change’ and all things rosy, yet the economy plunges deeper into the abyss?

WTF?

Everyone is reporting that the unemployment rate finally climbed to 6.5% — the highest in 14 years — making it nearly impossible for the clowns in Washington to continue to deny that we’re headed 100 mph smack into a wall of recession.

Those photos of folks standing in the unemployment line on A1 is depressing as hell. In fact in brings back memories of your anti-career specialists standing in one of those lines back in, ummm…when did we last get unemployment? 1981?

That’s because we have about 3 jobs each. Good jobs, decent paying jobs. Nothing like a gig on Wall St….or a money-making mortgage firm or a snazzy real estate office….oh wait, those jobs are disappearing as fast as the office supplies in the White House.

Sure this economy sucks and with $1 million jobs lost this year the outlook is, well, f***ed.

Or is it?

Here’s the thing. None of our friends are out of work. Well, actually, a bunch of them lost their jobs this year, heck, we even lost a few between us, but everyone is working. Making a buck. Paying the mortgage. (Sort of.) The fact is, there ARE jobs out there, just maybe not the same exact job that you just lost.

Here, let us explain.

Our friend Carlos was an electrician in a big fancy building in San Francisco but he lost his job six months ago when the building co-op board decided to find a less expensive contractor. Fine, so Carlos looks around and finds a job installing solar panels in Los Angeles. He took a two-day course on how to install those puppies wa-la! He’s already moved up in the company and some day hopes to own his own solar installation business.

Okay, not convinced?

Sarah, a friend from school was a mover and shaker in real estate. She had the Beemer and the big-ass house over-looking the Pacific…but two years ago she saw the Four Horsemen of the real estate Apocalypse charging towards her McMansion and she freaked! (wouldn’t you? ) Anyway, she pretty much saw the writing on the wall and tried to figure out what else the hell she could do besides tricking young couples into buying homes they couldn’t afford. (Let’s not even talk about the Karma.) Sarah thought and she thought and while she was thinking her mom went into an assisted living joint. Sarah thought it stunk like urine and the four grand she was paying for mom seemed to be a tad over-the-top for what they were getting. LIGHT BULB MOMENT!

Sarah made one last sale—her own home—and bought a smaller one inland for a pittance. She hired an RN who was sick of working in a big hospital and young staffers and filled the four rooms of the cute new assisted living home she created with old folks who have cash. Business was so good she bought another and another. Sarah now owns 5 assisted living houses and spends quality time with mom while she’s at it.

These are just a couple of examples, and starting today, we’re going to list more and more jobs, but we need YOU to be creative. Stop thinking about getting another job exactly like the one you just lost. Screw that! Re-invent yourself into someone that has an enjoyable career. Would it kill you to have fun at work? (no is the proper answer.)

So stop reading the damn paper (the election is over, so save your 50 cents because you don’t have it!) and read us instead. Send us your comments AND your job postings. If we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya, we can turn this unemployment thingy around. Really, if we can help an African-American nab the most important job in the world we can certainly find you a new career. (Yes we helped in the voting booth, thank you very much!)

So maybe you’re a stockbroker doing whatever it is you do all day. Seems to us like you’re the kind of person who probably takes a risk now and then. Maybe you like to climb rocks with all that gear and stuff. (It’s obvious we don’t.) Our point being, why don’t you get some professional training at the American Mountain Guide Association and become a paycheck-earning- rock climber/guide/dude. You can work in a gym or teach people or guide wealthy Boomers up on a real mountain. So you won’t make a gazillion bucks, but are you doing that now? And beside, when things level off you can always day-trade from your tent. For more info contact: http://www.amga.com/resources/

Here are a couple of actual job listings we thought might provide you with a little money and a lot of fun!

Outdoor Education Instructor

Marble Falls TX

Located on Lake LBJ in the heart of the beautiful Texas Hill Country, The Outdoor School (TOS) is about 50 miles northwest of Austin and 70 miles north of San Antonio. TOS is a residential outdoor education program that focuses on hands-on experiential educational and outdoor courses. The primary ages attending The Outdoor School are 4th – 9th grades. We are looking for instructors who love working with children…and love teaching them in the outdoors! Instructors will teach pre-approved curriculum, create and run teambuilding sessions and conduct evening activities. As an instructor, you will be with the children 5 days a week.

You live on property in a dorm size room with all necessary facilities. Room and most board are provided plus $215/wk, with opportunity for paid work on weekends also available. We are currently hiring for our Spring season (February 8th – May 23rd). We will conclude hiring for the Spring season when all positions are filled.

If this sounds like the job for you, contact Nicole at nangel@outdoorschool.com or call at 1-830-598-2571 ext. 239. Check out our website www.outdoorschool.com for more information.

————————————————————————————-

Associate Regional Director

Washington DC

The National Parks Conservation Association, the nation’s leading national park advocacy organization, seeks an Associate Regional Director to assist the Northern Rockies Regional Office (NRRO) Senior Regional Director in carrying out the park protection programs of NPCA, both national and regional; assist with management oversight responsibilities for the regional office, contribute to the fundraising efforts through writing proposals, meeting with donors and marketing NPCA programs. A BA degree or equivalent experience in government, environmental or science related, with graduate degree preferred, and a minimum of four-five years experience in environmental advocacy, non-profit management, park administration or planning.

Please visit our website at www.npca.org for a full job description. Qualified applicants please submit your resume and cover letter directly online to www.npca.org under “Work for NPCA”. No phone calls please. NPCA is an EOE.

To apply now, click on the link below:
http://www.npca.org/jobs/

——————————–

Volunteer & Youth Program Manager

San Francisco CA

Interested in Community Engagement and Stewardship?

The Site Stewardship Program works to restore vital habitat for threatened and endangered species within the Golden Gate National Recreation Area through community and educational partnerships. Over the past 15 years, students and community volunteers have contributed more than 300,000 hours toward the restoration of these special sites.

Are you the right person for this valuable position? Working as part of the Stewardship team, the Community Programs Manager will nurture and support existing educational partnerships, develop and run service-learning and volunteer programs, train and supervise interns, provide marketing and outreach support for the program and work to meet the restoration goals of each of the sites.

Duties include (but are not limited to):

Oversee all aspects of service-learning and volunteer; hire, train and supervise two full-time interns; sustain existing, and develop new, educational partnerships; develop programming and run regular service-learning programs for local school groups at stewardship sites; support weekly volunteer drop-in program; organize and facilitate the LINC Summer High School Program; and develop, edit and produce bi-monthly newsletter, and write weekly email updates.

Qualifications:

Demonstrated ability to effectively lead, communicate and motivate diverse volunteers and youth; strong commitment to diverse community participation and stewardship in park management and program planning; experience as a volunteer or in volunteer management; experience and/or knowledge in the management of natural resources; strong organizational and group management skills; enjoy working outdoors in all kinds of conditions; excellent interpersonal and communication skills; friendly, welcoming and outgoing personality; ability and desire to work as part of a team on complex projects and programs; Computer proficiency in writing and basic computer skills; ability to obtain a Class B License; bilingual in Spanish or Cantonese a plus;

This position requires a Tuesday-Saturday schedule to accommodate volunteer programs as well as occasional overnight trips.  Frequent local travel will be necessary (vehicle provided).

Compensation/Benefits: This is a permanent full-time benefited position for 40 hours a week located in a beautiful national park setting.  Job location is Fort Mason, San Francisco.

Applications will be considered immediately. Please send or e-mail resumes with cover letter to:  Sue Gardner, Director, Site Stewardship Program; Golden Gate National Parks Conservancy; Fort Mason, Bldg. 201; San Francisco, CA 94123. sgardner@parksconservancy.org. Applications accepted until position is filled. Desired start date is January/February 2009.

We believe our staff should reflect the diversity of our community.  All qualified applicants encouraged to apply.

———————————————————————————-

The Media Elite Shit-canned—Maybe they can get a job with Fox News?

Jezzuz, can it get any worse?

BREAKING: L.A. Times Announces 75 Editorial Job Cuts Today

EIC Russ Stanton delivered this good morning message to his troops today:

Colleagues, The growing economic downturn is forcing us to undergo another round of job reductions and cost cuts. I deeply regret to report that today, 75 of our friends, colleagues and capable staff members in Editorial will be told that they are losing their jobs. This is about 10% of our total staff and these cuts are comparable in scale to those made on the business side of The Times last week. The severance terms being offered to our colleagues are similar to those offered in the other reductions we’ve faced this year. I appreciate your patience, understanding and cooperation during this difficult period. Your department heads and the senior editing team, including John, Davan, Meredith and I, are available to hear your concerns and answer any questions. Russ Stanton
Editor
Los Angeles Times

Well then, that’s more great news in these happy times now, isn’t it? And yet Fox News seems to keep their reporters on…perhaps the Times should make some editorial changes? Other than cutting their paper in half….

Oh well, it’s all very sad, but again, we don’t want to beat a dead horse or anything—because really, who does?— but here is a partial list from US News & World Report today of important jobs that will stick around even if the world is on the verge of  self-destructing and collapsing. Oh, wait, it is collapsing. So OK then, here’s the list;

Law enforcement: In tough times, the level of crime tends to increase. It happened in France, you know, the whole start of the revolution….that whole storming of the palace because people were damn hungry? (Read your history books!)  So be a cop. They don’t seem to go hungry.

Vice industries: Sex tends to sell well in a depression, as does liquor… Bevmo is opening more stores throughout the West. People will always find money to buy booze, so rum- running could be in your future.

Repossession, foreclosure, and debt collection: When borrowers can’t pay back their loans on homes or cars or credit cards, someone has to collect and evict. If you’re a car person, there will be jobs repossessing giant SUVs from borrowers who took advantage of no-qualification loans even when they knew it was more than they could afford. Kind of a job for jerks, but hey, jerks need jobs too.

Clergy : People seek spiritual support in tough times. Hallelujah Brother!

Entertainment: During the Great Depression, the movie industry boomed as people craved escapism and had time to burn. That would very likely be the same today: The film, video game, sports, and creative arts industries should remain viable. Besides if you are an actor, odds are you are used to being unemployed.

And this one we added just because we used to be in the biz.

Funeral Director: The nation’s death rate of 8.1 per 1,000 people will climb to as high as 10.9 as Baby Boomers die off.  Death—there’s money to be made there folks, so stop your tears and store away your Reporter’s Notebooks and AP Stylebook and check these industry’s out. Besides, you were tired of getting crap from people who always said, “The Media,” like you, oh I don’t know, stepped in a pile of dog crap or something.

Am I right???

One ringydingy, two ringydingy…oh hell, never mind!

I thought the daughter was fibbing when she said she tried to call the California Employment Development Department—otherwise known as the ‘Unemployment Office’ and they hung up on her. More than 20 times.

“Yeah right,” I told my Gen Y baby. “They don’t hang up on you. They’re there to help you.” So, frustrated mom dialed, listened, pushed the correct buttons and…was hung up on. Over and over again.

Back in January, before everything really went to shit, and with the unemployment rate only hovering around  6%, nearly 12.6 million calls were placed to the state’s toll-free phone number to apply for unemployment insurance benefits. The Los Angeles Times reported that more than three-fifths of the calls never got through.

“The state’s six call centers are “overworked and understaffed,” said Adrienne Suffin, an eligibility representative in San Francisco. “EDD has not kept up in terms of hiring.”

The subpar call-center performance hurts both working people and their employers, who pay the unemployment insurance payroll taxes, said Employment Development Director Patrick Henning. Weekly unemployment benefits in California can be as high as $450 and last for up to six months.

“It is poor service to the people who are on unemployment at a time that’s tragic for them after they’ve lost their jobs,” Henning said. Henning said he was paying overtime to cut the backlog in approving claims, which are being backdated to compensate people for delays in reaching operators.

In the meantime, he urged applicants to file their claims on the Internet at www.edd.ca.gov to avoid clogging up the state’s already overburdened telephone system.”

In all actuality, the daughter was trying to cancel her checks having found not one, but two jobs to replace the ungrateful place that had laid her off by reinventing and creating new opportunities for herself before her first check was mailed. A chip off the old often-fired block–couldn’t be prouder!

Finally, after three months, someone from the EDD called the still employed child. Being brought up correctly, she did not hang up.

Studs for Hire! A Hot Job for Hot Guys

Heidi Fleiss, Author of Pandering

Some men hate wearing suits for work. Some guys hate wearing jeans. If you’re a guy who cant stand working in clothes and prefers being on the job naked, groundbreaking entrepreneur Heidi Fleiss has the perfect job for you–but only if you’re a hot, hunky stud who enjoys pleasing women.  Guys who resemble Donald Trump or Hugh Hefner need not apply.

This December Heidi Fleiss is taking applications for her new business venture in Nevada, “The Stud Farm”.  She is opening a male bordello for women, and HBO will be filming a documentary about Heidi’s stud farm, which will be opening sometime next year.  The establishment will be  in an area of Nevada where prostitution is legal.

It only took several thousands of years for someone to think of including men in the “oldest profession in history”.  Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam, where women for hire stand in the windows of storefronts. You can window shop for miles and not see a single guy standing in a window.  Until now, such a service was only available to male clientele.  With so many men out of work and a growing population of women who have busy lives, money to spend and no place to go for stress relief other than the nail salon, Heidi Fleiss is helping our drying (no pun intended) economy.  If you’re attractive and would like to earn serious money in Nevada entertaining an endless, all day supply of women, visit www.heidifleiss.com to submit an application.

Unemployment up to 6.1 pct— highest level in 5 yrs

It’s too latte for 12,000 Starbucks employees. Gulp.

Damn, I know that Starbucks has just about taken over the world, but you hate to see a company that treats their employees -most of them part timers-to perks such as medical benefits, school loan help and nice vacations days go all decaf on us.

But it’s true, it’s happening;

In a press release, Starbucks Corp. has announced it’s closing 600 underperforming stores in the United States. The company also announced Tuesday it expects to open fewer than 200 new company-operated stores in the United States in fiscal 2009.

The company says it will try to place workers—- about 12,000 of them— from closed stores in remaining Starbucks.
Sure they will. What? So they’ll have 12 Barristas behind the counter of your local Starbucks fighting over who gets to make your double, upside-down iced latte with three pumps of vanilla? I doubt it. In fact, we predict that the streets will be filled with scores of coffee experts dressed in stained green aprons all juiced up on caffeine with nowhere to go. But maybe there’s hope for all you jittery and jobless coffee fanatics….

You can always go work at one of those mom & pop coffee places that you once scorned, you know, the old converted, drive-through photo-mat? Most of them are pretty cool and some even offer benefits. They would probably welcome you with open arms but you would be stuck in the same old grind.

But, if you want to ‘espresso’ yourself (I can’t stop. Too much coffee.) and create your coffee sensations abroad, check out these sites:

http://www.jobs.com.au/ advertises for barrista’s and other server type jobs in AUSTRALIA. That’s right, make coffee down-under. How cool would that be? Of course you need to get your visa and sell the old futon and give your half-dead plants to your mom, but who cares? It’s a job…making coffee…in AUSTRALIA!

That’s only a start. If you can speak other languages….such as Arabic….you can move to, ummm, Dubai and make the brew. Really. (Who even knew is was legal there?)

http://www.learn4good.com/jobs/language/english/search_resumes/hotel_industry/philippines/cv/232153/

If you keep looking, you’re bound to find a an exotic country that needs your highly valued (except to Starbucks) coffee-making skills while living in a foreign country.

Of course, McDonald’s makes coffee too. So there’s that.

George Bush says, “Get a damn job!”

Extension of Unemployment Benefits Fails in House

CQpolitics.com reports: ‘House Democrats tried to move quickly Wednesday to respond to the spike in unemployment announced last week, but were unable to muster enough votes to pass an extension of unemployment benefits.

The 279-144 vote was not enough to pass the bill under suspension of the rules, which requires a two-thirds majority and bars amendments.

Democrats were hoping for a strong showing to bolster their case for extending the benefits and put them in a better bargaining position with the White House, which threatened a veto of the measure.

The legislation (HR 5749) would extend benefits for 13 weeks beyond the 26 weeks already authorized under law for all states. In addition, states with a high unemployment would get an additional 13 weeks.’

http://www.workforcesecurity.doleta.gov/unemploy/uifactsheet.asp

Yeah, I get it- Bush says get off your lazy ass and get a job. He’s got a point, HE works hard. You don’t see him eating potato chips and watching The Bold and the Beautiful in his boxers all day. Hmm, wait. He did have a couple days off.

Kind of like, umm, well, he’s on target to have 499 days off in eight years. The math boggles my mind, but I’m pretty sure it’s more than 13 weeks. Although imagine how much more screwed up things would be if he worked all the damn time. Yeah, not good.

But do YOU really need your unemployment to be stretched out to 20-plus weeks. It would be nice, but 13 weeks is probably all you need to get over your grief of losing that stupid job that you hated and find another stupid job that you’ll hate. But…you can chose a different direction. A different path.

Take a deep breath before you go reeling towards the next miserable job situation. Rebound jobs are like rebound relationships. If you take the very next job that comes along it will be a safety blanket to use to distract yourself from the pain for a short time, but it could all go downhill quickly.

You need to find your soul first before jumping back into the game. Take a little time for yourself; go on vacation or stay in your own backyard, but give yourself a little breathing room.

Now write down exactly what gives you professional satisfaction. The list could include friendship, location, enjoyment, loyalty, family, independence, leadership, achievement, self-realization, wealth, expertness, service, prestige, security and power. If you can match up five values that are offered by a potential employer with your own, you might have found your next job. Yeah!